Insecurities

Ok, so, as far as I know, barely 3 people read this blog so, unlike facebook, it shouldn't be seen by very many people. That's the point... I'm not writing this for attention... I'm writing it because the emotions are there and the inspiration types itself out. 

I am insecure, think almost nothing of myself, and doubt that anyone would pick me over anyone else--friends, relationships... there's always someone better. And I can sometimes be ok with that, but every now and then it just kind of hits me and my world goes spiraling out of control. I'm not special in anyway... and nothing about me stands out.... nothing good at least. 

Admiration

I greatly admire a friend of mine right now. She liked this guy since last semester... she liked him, then spent the time to build a friendship with him, and as of tonight the two are pretty much official. I don't think I've ever been able to turn something into that. I've liked guys for ages, but I never have the courage to actually talk to them. And the two I've dated, well... I didn't like them for too long before we dated... one of them I actually never liked. I know that's terrible, but that's life, and that's the truth.

Anyways, I really admire what my friend was able to do, and I'm really happy for her. In a way it reaffirmed my belief in Fairytales... yeah, I'm not sure if that's a good thing really. Luke sent me an article the other day about the search for love... he grouped us together when talking about searching for love and I told him not to, because I gave up, because I really don't care anymore... because I'm sick of the heartbreak and hopelessness I feel if I even think about it. But maybe I am still searching... sadly still unable to turn anything into anything of significance.